I think one of the best things about being a writer is that you can take things I talk about and relate them to your own life. It helps you see that you’re not alone and that you have an online army standing behind you as you battle this illness.
It is kind of my job as an anxiety blogger to tell the world about my situations in hopes that you can find some way to better your own life.
So, let the awful things roll into today’s anxiety post. Here are my 3 worst heartbreak moments; 3 things that contribute to anxiety. Take my experiences for what they are, and try to find a way to discover the inspirational words within.
I will never forget the feeling of finding the suicide note and “aftermath” of someone extremely close to me. I remember being crawled up in a ball on my kitchen floor, screaming as every phone rang in my house at 2AM and sirens surrounded my home. It literally felt like my heart was shattered in front of me on the floor, and I would never be able to pick up those pieces. Whenever I’m having a hard time, I always remember this moment. “If I got through that, I can get through this.” It took me weeks to return to high school, and when I finally did, the hallways seemed to grow silent with whispers about what happened. What is important is the fact that I did pick up those pieces, and I did continue my path which led me to you. Although this was one of the biggest things that contribute to anxiety for me, I found a way to make the best out of it – and you can too.
“Your Boyfriend is Dead.”
Oh, grade 9. As if you’re not going through enough emotional struggles as a girl at the age of 14, right? My first “boyfriend” in high school and I had been dating for a couple of months, which is a super long time at the age of 14. We were supposed to hang out one evening after school, but I never got a phone call. I signed onto MSN (For those of you who are too young, this was our “texting”) and was instantly bombarded with messages that something had happened. Long story short, he was jumped and a punch to his head cracked his skull into his brain and he was foaming from the mouth, seizing and not coherent. He ended up in London, Ontario sick kids hospital, and when I drove up with his older brother, it felt like a never-ending drive to the pit of my stomach. As I walked into his hospital room, his heart monitor began to race as he opened his eyes to see me there. The first words he said was, “I could smell your perfume.” It still brings chills to my bones just thinking about this moment and is certainly one of the things that contribute to anxiety in my life.
It’s not every day that Canadian bloggers can talk about their grandpa in a way like I can – and I feel so blessed for that. I used to always tell him that he can’t die before me because I would never be able to live without him. He would tell me, “You’re shit out of luck, Tilly” and would chuckled his little laugh that is forever in my head. You know the moment where it is way too early for your phone to be ringing constantly? You just know something is wrong. The day he passed away, I let that phone ring and ring and ring until I finally got up to answer the phone to hear my Dad tell me exactly what I already knew was coming. I was at the cottage at the time, and sat on the dock and cried, wondering how I will ever get through life without our coffee dates, or phone calls, or Halloween nights, but I did. To make matters worse, my boyfriend-at-the-time of 2 years bailed. Fell off the face of the earth. Disappeared. Vanished. Whoosh! MIA! Caio!
… When I needed him most. So, the idea of getting close to someone and death are two things that contribute to anxiety for me.
There is something that I noticed with these 3 situations – each one of these heart aches, I thought would be the end of me. The pain seemed so tremendous at the time, that I never thought I would be able to live happily ever again…
But you do. You learn to carry on. Maybe I’m a little “harder” now (As my best friend likes to tell me), but it’s these moments that remind you to cherish every single second that you have. Take the things that contribute to anxiety in my life and see how they affect your life. If I can overcome these awful heartbreaks, so can you. Remember this the next time you feel like there’s no coming back.
Have you had a life experience that had you thinking there was no way you would ever be able to heal? Share it in the comment section below.