Personal Stories Sexual Abuse

19 Years Later and You’re Still To Blame

July 27, 2014

We have lived one too many years in a society where you simply don’t talk about sexual abuse. You don’t talk about it because it’s embarrassing, inappropriate and too sensitive of a subject to bring up and out in the open; which is exactly why I have done the complete opposite.  Here’s why you need to pay attention to every story that is coming out about sexual abuse, no matter how uncomfortable it is for you to open your mind to.

Recently, sexual abuse has been blowing up the media. I posted a video talking about the child abuse in my family weeks before this topic even hit the media. I talked about how you simply grew up knowing that you should never talk about the sexual abuse that you experienced and/or witnessed. My situation was like many other people’s out there; the pedophile was a member of the family, and although I wasn’t the victim of this particular person, I had front row seats to my immediate family’s worlds falling apart.

Growing up with a pedophile in the family, there’s an unspoken rule that you just don’t talk about it. It’s simply inappropriate and a topic in which you are never taught how to bring it up. You’re never taught that it wasn’t the victim’s fault, and you’re never taught to share your story to help other victims come forward, in hopes of reducing the number of victims in the future. You are only subtly taught, by watching those around you, that you should forget and act normal even with the pedophile.

So, you stay quiet.

But, I decided to start talking about it.


After posting my video, it didn’t take long for the Facebook deletes, nasty emails and messages coming in from that side of my family. I haven’t seen the majority of them since I was 6 years old; when my sister was molested for the last time by this family member. As little children and as the years unfolded,  we stood on the sidelines of our lives, watching people continue on with life as if it never happened; yet my sister’s entire world was at a halt.

I can recall the amount of times we weren’t allowed going somewhere because the pedophile would be in attendance, instead of the pedophile not being able to go to family events because his victim and other children would be in attendance. Remembering all of the times my parents packed us up and threw me and my siblings in a car to escape it all is a vivid memory in my mind.

As for my sister; there was no car ride long enough to get her away.

Her childhood was already robbed because of sexual abuse.

I wanted to take a stand; for my sister and for so many little girls and boys who are holding in their secret of child abuse because of a fear of being ostracized from the family, or for fear of tearing the family apart; for fear of being shamed, embarrassed and for fear of it being their fault, because although it isn’t always said, having society and the people around you never talk about the sexual abuse that you (or anyone) experienced makes you feel like you are the bad person for being the victim.

…And if you bring it up, you’re an even worse person.

Victim of sexual abuse or not, you are airing dirty laundry.

And you believe just that.

It didn’t take long for me to receive a legal threat from family asking me to stop talking about the statements regarding the sexual abuse in my family as they were “defamatory”.

19 years later and I am back to sitting in those same front row seats of my immediate family’s world falling apart.

What’s worse?

19 years later and the pedophile is still not to be blamed.

But me, the 25-year-old girl who is desperate to change this mentality of society, was deleted online by family members, falsely accused of saying false things, and was told that they stood by the pedophile because they “love him”.

19 years later, and I still can’t talk about it.

19 years later, and my sister, the victim, is once again ignored and dismissed.

Let’s take a stand, and start talking about these sensitive subjects in hopes of continuing this movement.

If pedophiles knew that they will be ousted, would they be so quick to touch?

As for the family members who won’t stick by your side, all you need to know is this one thing;
family is not defined by your last name;
nor is it defined by blood line.
it’s defined by those united by love and support.
and when it comes down to the welfare of a child,
or victim of any kind,
real family would never leave the real one damaged;
no matter how much they ‘love’ the pedophile.

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