“It’s okay to not be okay.” Those words couldn’t have come at a better time. Suffering from anxiety or depression can often leave you feeling not okay, and the more not okay you feel, the worse you feel. You start to feel shame, guilt, embarrassment, thinking, “If only I was normal….”
This week has been one of those weeks for me. I found myself in a deep funk for no rhyme or reason. There was nothing that I wanted to do, other than stay in bed, close my eyes and shut my brain and body down. I don’t want to think because all I’m doing is questioning my life and purpose and my soul feels dead. I just didn’t want to do anything.
It literally felt like I was PMSing x 1000s, only it wasn’t PMS. There was literally no reason for me to be feeling the way I was feeling, and that, my darlin’, is wonderful depression! I just didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel good about myself, or what I’ve accomplished in my life, which lead to me feeling no purpose and oh, the list goes on and on, doesn’t it? It’s a dangerous cycle to fall into – and a cycle that many of us struggle with on a regular basis.
I laid in bed for way too many hours, not getting anything done – and then I felt worse because I wasn’t productive and thus, felt even less purpose. I finally decided to just get up and go out. On my half hour drive, my mind was racing. I was still in my funk and couldn’t shake it. I turned up the radio and tried to sing along to the latest Beyonce hit. No luck.
But then, a new song started to play.
“It’s okay to not be okay,” the singer sang – and let me tell you, those words hit me like a brick.
Instantly, I felt a weight off of my shoulders as I thought, “You’re right! I’m allowed to feel lousy sometimes! I don’t always have to be the happy, chipper, chatty, funny girl that I’m best known for. It’s okay to not feel okay. I don’t have a reason, and I don’t need one.”
Those words stuck with me over these past couple of days, and I’ve repeated them to everyone that crossed my path. With anxiety and depression, we feel so much remorse and guilt for simply not feeling our best. But why? Why does feeling lousy have to make us feel even worse?
Just think, what if we were able to say “Yup. I feel like death today but you know what, I’m going to let myself feel that way. I’m going to give myself 24 hours to just feel like god awful crap – and I’m going to enjoy it.” Maybe, just maybe, the feelings won’t be so deep and damaging because the worst thing about being in a funk is feeling bad about it.
So, if these words work for me, they can work for someone else as well!
Next time you find yourself in a funk, just remember…