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Parents, grab your Kleenex because this next article is about to break your heart. We recently asked anxious children currently suffering from anxiety and adults who were once anxious children what they wish their parents knew when they were younger. The results? Absolutely heartbreaking.
But don’t be deterred. Parents, you’re trying your best and you’re here reading this article which means you’re eager to know what’s going on in your anxious child’s little mind. That’s the first step!
28 Things Your Anxious Child Wish You Knew
The creator of anxiety gone sums it up like this,
What most people don’t realize about kids with anxiety is that they’re wise beyond their years; they’ll pretend to be okay just for their parents sake; they know to mask their emotions just so they don’t disappoint others; they know their body better than any adult because they feel things so intensely, they’ll come up with creative excuses to hide what’s going on, excuses that are so damn good they could win an award; they know every exit in every building and have gone through their escape route a million times in elaborate detail, they know how many doors every building that they’ve been in has, they’ve counted their steps and know how many seconds or minutes it takes to go from here to there…
Children with anxiety are wise… wise beyond their years… wiser than they should ever have to be at such a young age. More importantly, children with anxiety are full of secrets – secret strategies, secret escape plans, secret thoughts, secret emotions, secret feelings, secret illnesses, secret information – all of which they’ll go to great lengths to hide.
Thanks, society.
Here are some responses from our audience
To keep our audience anonymous, we decided to hide the names of each comment.
I wish my parents knew…
“Not to brush it off as an overreaction or just a phase.”
I wish my parents knew…
“Every time you lose patience about it, take a moment to think that if it’s hard to live with a child suffering of anxious, imagine being one.”
I wish my parents knew…
“Telling me to calm down doesn’t help, and if I really could just calm down, I would’ve did it long ago. And please be patient with me… it’s not easy for me either…”
I wish my parents knew…
“Every time you got mad at me for not being able to do something, I contemplated suicide.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I need your help in those anxious situations, not your disappointment and anger.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I wish I could do the things you want me to, but I just can’t… And I can’t explain it.”
I wish my parents knew…
“If only you could understand how bad it actually is.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I am terrified of everything… I’m terrified that I’m a let down even when you say I’m not. I’m terrified of losing you. I’m terrified of the world and what I have learned so far on my path. I’m terrified to take it on alone. I’m terrified I’m on the wrong path even though I am trying my hardest to get to where I want to be. I’m terrified of dying. I’m terrified of where I will go, where you will go when you die. I’m terrified if there is a god or a heaven will I be good enough to be with you up there. I’m terrified that I will never accomplish my goals, and I.m terrified to let you down.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I wouldn’t wish any of it onto anyone.”
I wish my parents knew…
“That I had it. That I could talk about it. That it was real.”
I wish my parents knew…
“realized “I’m fine” doesn’t mean I’m fine at all.”
I wish my parents knew…
“It was more known and I was taught coping mechanisms.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I’m not being dramatic, it’s not just a phase.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I’m scared to share what’s really going on with you.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I never opened up because I knew they would never understand.”
I wish my parents knew…
“It’s complicated.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I want to be normal.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I was terrified of what their reaction and feelings would be if they knew I had anxiety; if they’d like me less because I’m not the person they think I am or wants me to do.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I didn’t talk about my anxiety because I knew your opinion on mental health.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I was scared you would look at me differently, so I pretended to be ok when I wasn’t.”
I wish my parents knew…
“My journal was full of really horrible, terrible thoughts.”
I wish my parents knew…
“that I wish they would have said something other than I’m a drama queen or that I was going through a phase. I guess I’m still going through it at 44.”
I wish my parents knew…
“It’s better if toy know nothing. You would never understand it.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I cut myself.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I don’t know how to handle what’s happening to me.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I’m scared to ask for help.”
I wish my parents knew…
“I have fake accounts on social media where I self-harm and share dark thoughts.”
How to Help my Anxious Child?
Great question and great progress. You didn’t just read these responses and look the other way.
You may have noticed a common theme amongst these answers – my parents won’t understand, my parents’ opinion, my parents’ feelings, etc. Almost every answer we received had some relation to their parents lack of understanding, compassion, help and information. It just goes to show that anxious children are begging for their parents, but are terrified to do so.
Here are some things we recommend for parents with anxious children:
- Keep the conversation open
- Never underestimate the power anxiety has over your child
- Read self-help books about anxiety and parenting anxious children
- Put your own thoughts, emotions and opinions to the side
- Help your child, don’t scold them
- Create a plan with your child on what to do when in anxious situations
- Learn coping methods so you can help them in times of need
There are so many things you can do to help your anxious child. More importantly, the one thing you have to stop doing is dismissing it. Your child is asking for your help in more ways than you know. Be aware.
Now, wipe that flood of tears from your eyes. Despite this post being exceptionally heartbreaking, it’s real and it’s honest. Don’t make the mistake of thinking, “Oh my anxious child doesn’t think that,” or “My anxious child doesn’t feel like that,” because proof is in the pudding. Just look at all of those responses!
