What Is Masking and Unmasking in Mental Health? A Guide to Being The Real You

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Ever feel like you’re performing a version of yourself just to get through the day? Like you’re constantly adjusting your behaviour, facial expressions or even tone of voice just to seem “normal”? That’s what mental health experts call masking: a coping mechanism many people, especially those with anxiety, ADHD, autism, or trauma histories, unconsciously adopt to fit in, stay safe or be accepted. In the mental health space, masking and unmasking are powerful concepts tied to identity, survival and self-expression. Whether it’s laughing at jokes that don’t land, overthinking every text, or pretending you’re “fine” when you’re actually crumbling inside, masking can be exhausting. The good news? You can take unmask anytime you want and embrace the real, beautiful, quirky and totally authentic you.

What Is Masking in Mental Health?

Masking in mental health is something many of us do to hide or suppress our true thoughts, emotions symptoms and even personality traits. It’s often an unconscious action that helps you fit in, blend in or stay safe. It’s important to not mistaken masking as being fake, as it is more of a coping mechanism for survival or what your brain has convinced you is needed for survival.

For many people struggling with anxiety, depression, ADHD or other neurodivergent conditions, masking can feel like the only way to function in a world that doesn’t always understand or accommodate mental health challenges. This might look like smiling through a panic attack, avoiding eye contact to seem less “intense,” or staying quiet in social settings to avoid being judged. People mask for all kinds of different reasons, including out of economic necessity, social acceptance, and, often in our case, fear.

Now, masking can be a helpful tool in our day-to-day lives. It is not always a bad thing, as it can help you navigate social situations, feel safe and maintain personal boundaries and privacy. After all, we don’t always want to share absolutely everything about ourselves with every person we meet and masking allows us to decide who gets to see which parts of us.

Unfortunately, many people living with mental health challenges or addictions feel pressured to mask in order to keep a job, maintain housing or to simply be accepted by others. When someone asks how we’re doing, we often default to the safe, socially acceptable “I’m fine”, even when we’re far from it. For those navigating anxiety, depression or substance use struggles, this daily act of masking can become an overwhelming load on your shoulders.

Over time, this constant self-monitoring and performance can be exhausting, even leading to burnout, emotional numbness and even a loss of identity and not feeling like you really even know who you are underneath the mask.

The good news is that once we recognize it, we can begin the process of unmasking and reconnecting with who we really are underneath the coping strategies.

How Do I Know If I’m Masking?

The signs of masking can be hard to spot because you’ve likely been doing it for a long time that your masked version might even feel like your true version. You might laugh at things that don’t feel funny, tone down your excitement or mirror the people around you just to blend in. Those with ADHD or anxiety are especially prone to this kind of behaviour, such as hiding impulsivity, downplaying emotional overwhelm and avoiding fidgeting to seem “in control.”

Masking can also show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, or always being “on.” If being around others leaves you feeling exhausted, emotionally numb, or like you’re losing touch with your real personality, here are some other common signs you may be masking for mental health:

• You feel emotionally drained after social interactions, even if nothing “bad” happened.

• You rehearse conversations in your head before they happen or replay them obsessively afterward.

• You suppress your true emotions, like hiding sadness behind a smile or laughter.

• You mirror other people’s behaviours or speech patterns to fit in or avoid judgement.

• You tone down or hide symptoms of anxiety or ADHD, like fidgeting, restlessness or overthinking.

• You avoid sharing your opinions out of fear of being “too much” or “too sensitive.”

• You feel like you’re playing a role (one that doesn’t match how you truly feel inside).

• You struggle to identify your real personality when you’re finally alone.

• You’re constantly people-pleasing, even at the cost of your own comfort or needs.

• You feel disconnected from your emotions or like you’re living on autopilot.

How Do I Start Unmasking? Simple Strategies for Being More You

It’s time to find and embrace the parts of you that make you YOU! Unmasking isn’t a quick fix or a self-help trend; it’s a conscious step you’re taking to return back to the version of you that existed before the world taught you to hide, shrink or shape-shift into something you’re not just to belong. If you’ve been masking to survive, whether because of anxiety, ADHD, trauma or shame, you’ve likely gotten so good at it, you barely notice when it’s happening. But deep down, something in you knows: this isn’t who I really am.

So, how do you begin to unmask when you’ve worn the mask for so long it’s fused to your identity? Gently. Intentionally. And most importantly, with compassion.

1. Become a Curious Observer

Before you can peel back the mental health mask, you have to see it. Start noticing when you feel disconnected, like when it feels like you’re watching yourself or your life from the outside. Pay attention to the tension in your body during small talk, the way you laugh when you’re actually not very amused, or how you silence your opinions to keep the peace. Learning how to unmask starts with awareness.

2. Write What You Can’t Say Out Loud

If speaking your truth feels too raw, write it. Pour your thoughts into a journal, completely unfiltered, unedited and “unpretty”. This is where your real voice can live until you’re ready to share it with the rest of the world (or just your inner circle, for starters). This is the voice you’ve tucked away behind the polite nods and perfect posture. Let it come out.

3. Find Your Emotional Safe Zones

Unmasking requires safety and it’s important to recognize that you’re not meant to bare your soul in every situation and with every person. Time and place matters. With that said, find the safe spaces, people, communities and yes, corners of the internet where your quirks, fears and truths are welcomed. The Anxiety Gone community is built for this very reason: to be a soft place to land.

4. Ask Yourself: What Am I Protecting?

Masking is a form of self-protection, so start by asking yourself what you fear would happen if you stopped hiding. Rejection? Ridicule? Loneliness? Name it. Understanding why you mask is key to gently setting it down.

5. Start With Small Acts of Truth

Don’t underestimate the courage it takes to say no, express a boundary, wear something bold or speak an honest sentence. These quiet rebellions add up. Each small truth you speak is a brick laid on the path back to your real self. Start small and build as you feel comfortable.

6. Get Help from Professionals

When you’ve spent years performing camouflaging behaviours to hide your true self (intentionally or not), it can feel terrifying to ask, “Who am I without the mask?” That’s where the right kind of support becomes essential.

A therapist or mental health professional can help you gently explore the parts of yourself you’ve hidden or silenced. Whether it’s a psychologist, counsellor or trauma-informed coach, they offer a space free of judgement, where you don’t have to perform. Just be you. That alone can be healing.

Professional support also gives you language for what you’re experiencing. You may come to understand that what you thought was “just anxiety” is actually complex masking. You may uncover how childhood coping mechanisms shaped your adult personality, or why certain environments trigger your urge to hide. These insights can help you replace shame with clarity, and begin rebuilding your identity with intention, not fear.

Therapists can also guide you through how to unmask without destabilizing your life. Because truthfully? Taking off the mask doesn’t mean you’re suddenly raw and exposed in every situation. It means learning where, when, and with whom it’s safe to be your real self. It means developing emotional regulation tools to handle the discomfort that comes with honesty. It means learning how to protect your nervous system while still showing up authentically.

7. Reconnect With Childhood Passions

Before the world taught you who to be, there was a version of you that felt free. What did you love as a child? Singing? Drawing? Daydreaming? Being silly for no reason at all? Re-engaging with those passions, no matter how small or “pointless” they seem, helps bring you back to a version of yourself that existed before masking became your default.

Adult colouring, anyone? A little chalk session?

8. Honour Sensory Needs

If you’ve been masking for ADHD or sensory sensitivities, you may have learned to ignore or override your body’s signals. Unmasking means paying attention again. Do certain environments overstimulate you? Do you feel calmer when you fidget, stretch, or have something in your hands? Tools like fidget rings are great for regulating your nervous system in ways that feel authentic and safe.

9. Dismantle the “Shoulds”

Many masks are built from “shoulds”. For example, I should be quieter, I should be more productive, I should be less sensitive. One powerful form of unmasking is learning to question those internal rules. Ask yourself: Who told me I should be this way? Is that voice really mine, or did I inherit it from someone else?

10. Set Boundaries That Protect the Real You

As you start showing up more authentically, not everyone will understand and that’s okay. Part of unmasking is recognizing where your energy goes and choosing where to invest it. Setting boundaries is absolutely imperative for your mental health. It’s how you protect the parts of yourself you’re still getting to know.

11. Let Your Body Speak

Masking often forces us to disconnect from the body. You might hold your breath during hard conversations, clench your jaw to seem unfazed, or suppress your natural expressions to avoid attention. Unmasking means slowly re-entering your body. Try practices like mindful movement, dancing, stretching, or even sitting quietly with your hand on your heart. Let your body be your guide back to yourself.

Unmasking and Embracing Your True Self

If you’ve been performing for so long that you’re not even sure who the real you is anymore, join the club. So many of us have learned to wear the mask to be agreeable, calm, successful, low-maintenance—and all of the other things just to get through the day. But that version of you underneath the mask? They’re still there. And they’re not too much, too sensitive, too weird, or too loud.  Unmasking won’t happen overnight, and is often a slow, messy and deeply personal journey, but every small step you take to honour who you are is a brave step in the right direction. Every time you choose honesty over approval, or rest over performance, you’re coming home to yourself. And we’re right here with you.