13 Proven Steps to Overcoming Social Phobia and Finding Yourself

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Social anxiety is unlike any other type of anxiety. It’s an intense fear of interactions with other people and often comes with constant worry, anxiety, feelings of self-consciousness and/or feeling like you’re being negatively judged. Overtime, the anxiety can lead to you avoiding social situations in an effort to prevent these unbearable symptoms. However, avoidance is the worst thing you can do for your social anxiety disorder (or any type of anxiety). The more you avoid, the worse your anxiety gets as you are letting your anxiety trigger believe that the situation is, in fact, dangerous when it is not. So, it’s time to lean into the fear and break that cycle, so you can start enjoying social situations once again. you must learn how to break out of your shell in order to overcome social phobia.

13 Steps to Overcoming Social Phobia

The following tips on overcoming a social phobia will help you address your fears at the core while also building up your confidence, so you can start enjoying social situations once again. The more you practice them, the better you’ll be able to use them when you feel your social anxiety creeping in. Before you know it, those social interactions won’t seem as scary because you now have the tools and coping methods needed to prevail.

1. Practice Talking in Front of the Mirror

An excellent exercise to do if you struggle with a social phobia, especially with regards to speaking, is to practice doing just that. Grab a mirror and spend some time talking or having imaginary conversations with yourself. This technique can be particularly helpful when preparing for a class presentation, first date, work meeting or even a job interview.

Not only will talking in the mirror help you gain confidence in the way you speak but it also allows you to pinpoint areas that you want to improve. Perhaps you discover that you want to make more eye contact or that you fidget too much; the mirror is great for identifying areas that you can work on.

2. Set Small, Achievable Goals

Determine what you wish to accomplish by learning how to overcome your social phobia and set some achievable goals. It may be as simple as getting out in public at least once a day and interacting with a stranger or giving a compliment to someone. These goals should be based on the areas you want to work on or that trigger your social anxiety.

If these goals seem too intimidating, break them up into smaller goals. For example, if you struggle with agoraphobia and your end goal is to be able to go in public with confidence, start by going outside, Then maybe take a walk around the block, a little further the next day, and so on and so forth until you feel comfortable going for that golden goal.

3. Record Yourself Having a Conversation

Record yourself having a conversation, even if it’s with the mirror from step one. This will allow you to see what you look like when you are socializing and identify areas that you want to work on.

4. Make a List of What Makes You Unique

In order to be confident socializing, you have to be confident in your own skin. Easy said than done, right?

There are many tools out there that can help you identify all of the amazing qualities you have and the incredible things you have to offer to this world, friends, and conversations. You can start by making a list of the features, traits and attributes you love about yourself. If this list seems short, a little help from self love journals can go a long way. Here are some of my top recommendations:

5. Pinpoint your Power Poses

Body language is one of the most important things you can learn when trying to overcome shyness and social anxiety. After all, you can be the least confident person in the room but your body language can trick people into thinking otherwise, and the more other people admire your confidence, the more start to see it in yourself too! Before you know it, you will be the confident, social person in conversations. Just say no to crossed arms!

There are several body language books you can study to learn how to master your power poses. Here are some of my personal favourites:

Understanding body language can also give you the upper hand when having conversations with others. Not only can you learn how to perfect your body language to exude confidence but you can also learn how to read someone else’s body language. This can help you navigate through conversations as they’re happening, making adjustments as needed based on what the other person’s body is telling you.

6. Make a List of What Causes you to Fear the Most

Coming out of your shell is as simple as recognizing what you fear. By doing so, you’re able to see what goals need to be made in order to overcome your social anxiety. You will never do so if you aren’t willing to accept and face what you’re fearful of. So, make a list of the reasons why you believe you have social anxiety or what triggers you. It could be fear of judgement, fear of making a mistake, feeling inadequate, feeling stupid, etc. Everyone’s list is different, so no cheating.

7. Make a List of Terrifying Social Engagements in Priority

Now that you know what fears are behind your fears, it’s time to recognize which situations are most terrifying for you. For me, it’s eating in front of people. For you, it might be walking into a crowded room. So, make a list of the social situations that you fear the most, and list them in priority from absolute sh!t my pants scared to scary but doable.

Then, you can start to slowly tackle the social engagements that have been keeping you inside your shell for all this time. And I know, it sounds terrifying. It is scary and that’s why you’re going to start from the least scary engagements to the most scary.

8. Do Something Adventurous with People You Trust

Breaking out of your shell can be as simple as doing something completely new and exhilarating. This might be as simple as walking around the block for you or sleeping over at a friend’s house. Whatever it is, be sure to do it with someone you trust. Having that support system allows you to face your fears more easily because you know you’ll be safe. So, whether it’s your sister or best friend, parents or cousin, inform them that you’re trying to break out of your shell and would like them to help. Then, decide what you want to do (start small, of course) and before you know it, you’ll be skydiving with strangers. Okay, maybe not quite. Let’s start with small steps.

9. Use the Power of Affirmative Phrases

If there’s one thing Anxiety Gone likes to preach, it’s the power of affirmative phrases! The mind is such a powerful thing; you’re just used to it being powerfully controlling and negative. Well, it’s time to trick it into being powerfully positive and affirmative phrases can do just that.

And they’re easy! Instead of saying, “Oh my gosh, I’m scared,” you say, “I got this. I’m good”. You say these strong, positive, encouraging phrases that strengthens you from the core instead of diminishing you from the inside out.

10. Meet New People – Online, Offline, on Mars – Whatever

Breaking out of your shell will require you to meet new people. Sounds terrifying, doesn’t it? Don’t worry. This is your recovery and you can choose the speed in which you want to combat your social anxiety. Even if you have all the friends you need, make it your mission to meet new people. Why? It’ll get you comfortable with strangers.

So, get online and join a forum, spark a conversation with a complete stranger in a chatroom, say hi to the stranger holding the door for you at Tim Hortons – whatever it is, just meet new people. You don’t have to have a long conversation; just enough that it’s an actual conversation.

And who knows? You might make a new best friend out of it. If not, shake it off. At least you made the effort to meet new people.

11. Join a Group

Personally, I love groups because everyone is there for the same reason – to meet new people and to do something they love. So, determine what you’d like to do more of or what you’d like to learn, and search for local groups. It could be an art class (PaintNite rocks!) or a book club, travel club, church club – you name it. RSVP as soon as you find something you like (don’t hesitate or you’ll never do it), then show up (no excuses) and have fun.

You could also join group therapy sessions!

12. Makeover Time

Do something that will make you feel better about yourself. The end.

Channeling your inner confidence can be as simple as updating your wardrobe, doing your makeup, getting your hair done, treating yourself to a spa date. It’s a simple social anxiety tip but one that is surprisingly more powerful than you think.

13. Master your Emotions

The last social anxiety tip of the day is to master your emotions. Learn to recognize what you’re feeling – from your emotions to body sensations and beyond. This allows you to instantly correct any negatively thoughts you have. “Oh no. My hands are sweating. Retreat. Retreat. Abort mission!”

Instead, you can say, “My palms are sweaty because it’s hot in here and you know what, who cares if my palms are sweaty. I’ll just dry them off before shaking hands and if they’re still sweaty, I’ll make a joke about it.”

Yoga is an incredible way to become familiar with your feelings and to increase self-awareness. I highly recommend Yoga Burn or Yoga for Healing.

That’s all you need to know to overcoming shyness and tackling your social anxiety but of course, I always have much more to talk about, along with additional tips and tricks of coming out of your shell. So, don’t forget to subscribe to Anxiety Gone newsletter and join me on Anxiety Gone Facebook.

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Chantal McCulligh

Owner at Anxiety Gone

Chantal is the heart and soul behind our mental health and wellness community, serving as the beloved Editor-in-Chief. Her journey into the world of mental health is deeply personal, stemming from their own battles with panic disorder. This personal connection fuels her passion for making mental health discussions more accessible, relatable, and free of stigma.

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