How to Get Over Social Anxiety: 15 Steps to Becoming Socially Confident

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Social anxiety has a sneaky way of turning even the most confident people into a bundle of nerves. Whether it’s meeting new people, speaking up in a group, or just making small talk or being in a crowd, having a social phobia can put a serious damper on your social life. As you likely already know yourself, the torture doesn’t end there either as it trickles into your work life, personal life, happiness and general health. Bleh. But here’s the thing – you can overcome social anxiety. With a sprinkle of patience, a dash of courage, and a hefty dose of self-love, you can learn how to combat social anxiety head-on and regain control .

Understand the Root of Your Anxiety

Before you can conquer social anxiety, you must first understand where it comes from and what exactly triggers your fears. By making a list of what causes you the most anxiety, you can begin to break down these fears and take the first steps toward overcoming them. This exercise isn’t about dwelling on what scares you, but rather about gaining clarity and control over those fears.

Start by grabbing a pen and paper or opening a note on your phone. Think about the situations that make your heart race, your palms sweat, or your stomach churn. Is it speaking in front of a group? Meeting new people? Attending social gatherings where you don’t know anyone? Write down everything that comes to mind, no matter how big or small.

Once you have your list, take a closer look at each item. Ask yourself some self therapy questions like, “What is it about this situation that scares me?” Maybe it’s the fear of being judged, the worry of saying something wrong, or the anxiety of being the center of attention. Understanding the why behind your fears is crucial because it allows you to address the specific thoughts and beliefs that fuel your anxiety.

Remember, this list is more than just a catalog of your fears. It’s a guide on where to focus your efforts.

15 Powerful Steps to Help You Combat Social Anxiety

Whether you’re looking to take baby steps or make big leaps, you’ll want to have some social anxiety tips and strategies in your back pocket. These will help you face your fears, build confidence and start enjoying social interactions again.  Let’s break it down, step by step, and empower you to take control of your anxiety, one moment at a time! Before you know it, those social interactions won’t seem as scary because you now have the tools and coping methods needed to prevail.

1. Practice Talking in Front of the Mirror

If the idea of speaking up in social situations makes your stomach churn, practicing in front of the mirror can be a surprisingly effective way to build confidence. It might feel a little silly at first – talking to your own reflection – but trust me, it works!

Here’s why: when you talk to yourself in the mirror, you get to play both roles — the speaker and the listener. This dual perspective helps you become more aware of your facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. All of these things are all important elements in communication and this will give you a first-hand look at things you’d like to work on.

Start with something simple, like introducing yourself or practicing a short speech. Pay attention to how you look and sound. Are you standing tall and projecting confidence, or are you slouching and fidgeting? Adjust as needed until you feel comfortable with your delivery. Over time, this social anxiety exercise will help you become more aware of how you present yourself in real social interactions.

Another benefit? Talking to yourself in the mirror allows you to rehearse what you want to say without the pressure of an audience. Whether it’s practicing for a big presentation or preparing for a casual conversation, this technique gives you the opportunity to refine your words and delivery. The more you practice, the more natural and fluid your speech will become, reducing the likelihood of stumbling over your words when it really counts.

So next time you’re feeling anxious about a social interaction, give the mirror a try. It’s a simple, yet powerful tool to help you face your fears, and who knows—you might just end up becoming your own best audience!

2. Start Small and Gradually Expand

Overcoming social anxiety doesn’t mean you have to dive into the deep end right away. Start small—really small. Maybe it’s making eye contact with the barista, saying hello to a neighbor, or attending a small gathering with friends. These tiny steps will help build your confidence over time. Each small victory paves the way for bigger challenges, and before you know it, those once-daunting social situations won’t seem so scary after all.

Start by determining what you want to accomplish and break that into small, achievable steps. Maybe it’s getting out of the house and in a public space at least once a day, or interacting with a stranger or giving a compliment to someone.

3. Record Yourself Having a Conversation

If the thought of listening to your own voice makes you cringe, you’re not alone! But recording yourself having a conversation is a fantastic way to boost your confidence and fine-tune your communication skills.

Here’s how it works: by recording a mock conversation—whether it’s a casual chat or a more formal speech—you give yourself the chance to step back and objectively evaluate how you sound and what you say.

Start by recording yourself talking about a topic you enjoy or a conversation you might have in real life, like introducing yourself, sharing a story, or even answering common questions. Once you’ve finished, play it back and listen carefully. How does your voice sound? Are you speaking clearly and confidently? Are there any awkward pauses or moments where you lose your train of thought?

This social anxiety exercise is key for identifying areas where you might need improvement, like pacing, fidgeting (you need an anxiety spin ring instead), tone, or even the content of your speech. For example, you might notice that you speak too quickly when you’re nervous, or that you use filler words like “um” and “like” more often than you realized. Once you’re aware of these habits, you can work on slowing down, enunciating more clearly, and eliminating those verbal tics.

Recording yourself also allows you to celebrate what you’re doing well. Maybe you realize that you’re great at telling stories or that your voice sounds more confident than you thought. These little wins are important, as they show you that you’re more capable than you probably give yourself credit for.

So, hit that record button, and start talking. It might feel a little awkward at first, but with practice, you’ll start to notice improvement. Plus, it’s a great way to get used to hearing your own voice, which can make real-life conversations feel a lot less intimidating.

4. Remember What Makes You Unique

When social anxiety strikes, it’s easy to forget just how special you are. You might worry about fitting in or saying the right thing, but the truth is, your unique qualities are what make you stand out and in the best way possible! Taking the time to make a list of what makes you unique can be a powerful tool in boosting your confidence and combating social anxiety.

Start by jotting down all the things that make you, you. Maybe it’s your quirky sense of humour, your knack for solving problems, or your love of cool hobbies. Think about the compliments you’ve received from others, the skills you’ve developed, and the traits that set you apart. Don’t be shy — this is your time to shine!

Once your list is complete, take a moment to really appreciate each item. These aren’t just random qualities; they’re the building blocks of your personality, and they make you an interesting and valuable person to know. Whenever you start to feel anxious about a social situation, refer back to this list. Reminding yourself of your strengths can help counteract the negative thoughts that often accompany social anxiety.

This social anxiety exercise isn’t about boosting your ego. It’s about reinforcing the idea that you have something to offer in every social interaction because you do! Your uniqueness is your superpower, and embracing it can help you feel more comfortable and confident when interacting with others. So go ahead, celebrate what makes you different, and remember that those differences are exactly what make you wonderful!

Need some extra help? These self love journals are some of my favourites and will definitely help you love you:

• Silk and Sonder: 12-Month Self Love Journey and Program
• Promptly Self Love Journals: 52 Weeks of Affirmation

5. Perfect your Power Pose

Body language is one of the most important things you can learn when trying to overcome shyness and social anxiety.

Did you know that your body language can significantly impact how you feel in social situations ¹? It’s true! The way you stand, sit, and move sends powerful signals not just to others, but also to your own brain. Enter the concept of the “power pose”—a simple yet effective way to boost your confidence and ease social anxiety.

A power pose is a stance that exudes confidence, even if you’re not feeling it on the inside. Think of it as faking it until you make it, but with your body. Research shows that holding a power pose for just a few minutes can lower stress hormones like cortisol and increase testosterone, the hormone linked to confidence. This combination helps you feel more powerful and less anxious.

To find your power pose, start with the basics. Stand up straight, shoulders back, and lift your chin slightly. Spread your feet about shoulder-width apart, and place your hands on your hips like a superhero surveying the city. Or, if you prefer, raise your arms above your head in a victory pose. The key is to take up space and open your body—no more crossing your arms or hunching over!

Before heading into a social situation that makes you nervous, try practicing your power pose for a couple of minutes in private. Whether you’re about to give a presentation, attend a social event, or even have a difficult conversation, stepping into your power pose can help you feel more in control and less intimidated

After all, you can be the least confident person in the room but your body language can trick people into thinking otherwise, and the more other people admire your confidence, the more start to see it in yourself too! Before you know it, you will be the confident, social person in conversations. Just say no to crossed arms!

Need some extra help to learn how to master your power poses. Try these self-help books on building confidence and body language:

• Confidence:The Truth for unlocking unstoppable lasting Confidence
• Body Language: How to Impress, Connect, and Influence by Mastering Powerful Body Language
• Body Language: Nonverbal Communication, Social Skills, Relationships, Self Esteem, Power Rapport Building, Success Secrets, Influence!
• Gaining the Confidence You Need to Succeed in Life.: Easy Tips & Tricks on How to become more Self Confident and Gain Creative Confidence
• Body Language: Use Your Body Language To Get What You Want
• Body Language: Learn how to read others and communicate with confidence

6. Recite Your Confidence-Boosting Affirmations

Affirmations are positive, intentional statements that you repeat to yourself to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. They might seem simple, but with regular practice, they can create a serious shift in how you perceive yourself and your ability to handle social situations ².

Social anxiety often thrives on a loop of negative self-talk — things like “I’m going to embarrass myself,” or “I’m just too awkward.” Affirmations work by breaking that cycle. Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, you start reinforcing positive beliefs about yourself. For example, you might use affirmations like “I am confident in social situations,” “I enjoy meeting new people,” or “I express myself clearly and calmly.”

To make the most of affirmations, it’s important to choose statements that resonate with you personally. Start by identifying the negative thoughts that frequently pop up during social interactions. Then, create affirmations that directly counter those thoughts. For example, if you often think, “No one wants to talk to me,” replace it with “People enjoy my company, and I have valuable things to share.”

Incorporate these affirmations into your daily routine. You can say them out loud in front of a mirror, write them down in a journal, or repeat them silently throughout the day—especially before or during social situations that typically make you anxious. The key is consistency. The more you practice, the more these positive beliefs will become ingrained in your mind, helping to reduce your anxiety over time.

7. Learn to Laugh at Yourself

Laughter is truly the best medicine ³, especially when it comes to social anxiety. Learning to laugh at yourself and your quirks can take the pressure off in social situations. Did you trip over your words? Giggle about it and move on. Made an awkward comment? Laugh it off and keep going. Humor can diffuse tension and make social interactions feel more lighthearted and less stressful. Plus, it helps others feel more at ease around you, too!

8. Practice Mindful Breathing Techniques

Breathing might seem like the last thing you want to focus on when your mind is racing, but trust me, it’s a game-changer. When you feel the grip of social anxiety tightening, pause and take a few deep breaths. Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a moment, and then exhale gently through your mouth. This simple deep breathing exercise can help calm your nervous system and bring you back to the present moment ⁴. Plus, it’s a subtle move you can do anywhere, whether you’re in a crowded room or preparing for a one-on-one conversation.

9. Use Visualization Techniques

If the thought of social interactions gives you a case of the jitters, try visualization. Imagine yourself in a social situation, but instead of focusing on your fears, picture yourself succeeding. See yourself confidently engaging in conversation, laughing, and having a good time. Visualization can help retrain your brain to expect positive outcomes, which in turn reduces anxiety. Plus, it’s a safe way to “practice” social interactions without actually having to be in them.

10. Lean on Your Support System

You don’t have to face social anxiety alone. Friends, family, and even colleagues can be a great source of support. Don’t be afraid to reach out and let them know what you’re going through. They can offer encouragement, accompany you to social events at a PaintNite , or simply be there to listen when you need to vent. Knowing that someone has your back can make all the difference when you’re stepping out of your comfort zone.

11. Focus on the Other Person

One of the best ways to get out of your own head during social interactions is to focus on the other person. Ask questions, listen intently, and show genuine interest in what they have to say. Not only does this shift the focus away from your own anxiety, but it also makes the other person feel valued and appreciated. It’s a win-win! Plus, it turns out that people love talking about themselves, so you’ll have plenty to chat about without having to carry the conversation solo.

12. Practice Self-Compassion

It’s easy to be hard on yourself when social anxiety gets the best of you, but remember to treat yourself with kindness. Social anxiety isn’t something you can just snap out of. It’s a process, and it’s okay to have setbacks. When things don’t go as planned, give yourself credit for trying, and remind yourself that you’re making progress. Self-compassion is key to building resilience and staying motivated on your journey to overcoming social anxiety.

13. Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a well-known, highly effective treatment for social anxiety. It works by helping you identify and change negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to your anxiety. You can even do therapy online for a significantly lower cost and most insurance policies cover it now. Here are some of the top platforms to choose from:

• Best for Availability: BetterHelp
• Best for Couples: ReGain or Our Ritual
• Best for Affordability: Better Talk
• Best for Psychiatry: Brightside
• Best for Teens: Teen Counseling
• Best for Anxiety and Depression: Brightside
• Best for LGBTQIA+: Pride Counseling

While working with a therapist is ideal, there are also many self-help resources available if you prefer to go it alone. CBT exercises, such as challenging negative thoughts and gradually facing feared situations, can be incredibly empowering tools in your mental health toolkit.

14. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone Regularly

The more you avoid social situations, the scarier they become. That’s why it’s so important to regularly step out of your comfort zone. Start with situations that are only slightly anxiety-provoking and work your way up. Maybe it’s joining a small group activity or attending a social event with a friend. Over time, these experiences can help desensitize you to social anxiety, making it easier to handle more challenging situations in the future.

15. Set Realistic Social Goals

It’s important to set realistic goals for yourself when working on overcoming social anxiety. These goals should be specific, measurable, and attainable. For example, instead of setting a vague goal like “be more social,” try something more concrete like “start a conversation with a coworker once a week.” Achieving these smaller goals will give you a sense of accomplishment and encourage you to keep pushing forward. Remember, progress is progress, no matter how small.

FAQs about Getting Over Social Anxiety

How can I overcome my social anxiety?
Overcoming social anxiety involves a combination of self-awareness, practical strategies like exposure therapy, and sometimes professional help like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Consistency is key—regularly stepping out of your comfort zone and challenging negative thoughts can make a big difference over time.

How to help social anxiety in others?
Supporting someone with social anxiety requires patience, empathy, and encouragement. Listen to their concerns, avoid pushing them into uncomfortable situations, and celebrate their small victories. You can also encourage them to seek professional help if needed.

Why am I socially awkward?
Feeling socially awkward can stem from social anxiety, lack of practice in social situations, or simply being more introverted. It’s important to recognize that awkward moments are a natural part of social interaction, and everyone experiences them from time to time.

How to get rid of social anxiety?
While it may not be possible to completely “get rid of” social anxiety, you can manage and significantly reduce its impact on your life through strategies like CBT, exposure therapy, mindfulness practices, and building a strong support system.

How to get over public anxiety?
Public anxiety, such as fear of speaking or performing in front of others, can be tackled through gradual exposure, preparation, and relaxation techniques. Practice in less intimidating environments before gradually moving to larger settings.

How to stop social anxiety from controlling my life?
Take back control by setting small, achievable goals and gradually facing your fears. Seek professional help if needed, and practice self-compassion throughout your journey. Remember, you’re not alone, and progress is possible with time and effort.

Final Thoughts on How To Get Over Socil Anxiety

Social anxiety might be a tough opponent, but with the right strategies, it’s one you can overcome. Remember, it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Every small victory counts, and each one brings you closer to living a life free from the constraints of social anxiety. So go ahead—take that first step, breathe deeply, and trust in your ability to conquer your fears. You’ve got this!

Infographics on How to Get Over Social Anxiety

References:

1. Hofmann, S. G., & Gomez, A. F. (2022). Mindfulness-Based Interventions for Anxiety and Depression. Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 45(3), 457–472. National Center for Biotechnology Information. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9325107/
2. Sawyer, A. T., & Afari, N. (2019). Psychological Approaches to Pain Management: A Conceptual Review. The Journal of International Medical Research, 47(2), 493–508. National Center for Biotechnology Information. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6137615/
3. Singh, S. (2016). Humor in medicine: Can laughter help in healing? Indian Journal of Psychiatry, 58(2), 133–139. National Center for Biotechnology Information. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5468052/
4. Sawyer, A. T., Harris, S., & Afari, N. (2019). Psychological approaches to pain management: An update. Psychological Research and Behavior Management, 12, 115–123. National Center for Biotechnology Information. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6137615/